Today was apparently the day of the spider invasion of my home. I woke up early this morning, only to find a large spider on the wall above my face. Now, this may or may not come as a surprise, but I'm a bit arachnophobic. I looked up at the spider, crawled out of bed, and grabbed my vacuum (this keeps the spider from being splattered or mushed into anything--I'm not a big fan of spider bits, either). The spider clung to the wall valiantly, but there's only so much a small critter like that can do to resist a large vacuum cleaner.
I put the vacuum cleaner away, then noticed the spider's living room counterpart. I vacuumed him down, too, and then couldn't go back to sleep. I didn't have that long to kill, so it wasn't too bad.
By the time I got home from work, though, they'd sent in a specialist. I don't know how he got in, though, since I didn't give the bastard a key. He was certainly too big to have come in any way but the door, so he must've been the first spider locksmith. I thought of shooting him with my .44, but I figured he'd just shrug it off and might even get mad that I shot him. His body was a little longer than the width of the vacuum tube, which looked like it might pose a problem. Luckily, spiders are very malleable, so this big wood spider (or whatever sort of spider he actually was) is in pieces in the vacuum bag.
Hopefully, this will serve as a warning to the next wave of spider invaders.