Monday, June 25, 2007

Work and whatnot

Interesting things happen when I'm on the job. I was out patrolling the campus the other night and came across a pickup parked near the baseball field. At first, it looked empty, but then I caught a bit of movement. I rolled down my window to see about talking to the folks who were...otherwise occupied. The man must have heard us coming, as he started to get up, giving us a full moon as he did so. My partner yelled "Oh my God!" before realizing I had rolled down my window.

The man smiled and quickly agreed with my assessment that he and his companion should go elsewhere. His companion, on the other hand, didn't speak, and tried to blend in with the seat as best she could. As he was leaving the baseball field area, the man stopped, smiled, and waved at us. I'm fairly certain that he had not put on pants by the time he left.

I added a standard quick notation to my log for the night. The next day, I was at work and the assistant director read it. She demanded to know why we hadn't gotten names and a plate number. I explained to her that it seemed like harmless fun, so we were more worried about not seeing any more than we had already been subjected to. The conversation then continued something like this:

"You can't write logs like this."
"Yeah, I think I did it alright."
"Your opinion does not belong in the report!"
At this point, I can only assume she had noticed that I had noted that "we were subjected to more man ass than we wanted to see in a night (the optimal amount of man ass is, of course, zero)."
"That's not my opinion. It's solid fact that the optimal amount of man ass in a night is zero."
"What if this went to court for some reason?"
"Well, if the judge feels obliged to rule on it, I will offer my opinion and the justifications thereof. I would be proud to be a part of that landmark decision."
"Well how would you feel if it got into the paper that you had put that in there?"
"Like I said, I would be proud to be a part of defining the appropriate amount of man ass."
"But it would make you a laughingstock in court."
"Who is going to submit that statement into evidence? And, if they did, I stand by the amount of man ass I feel is appropriate."
Last I checked, she had not modified my report, so I think she may have conceded that zero man ass is, in fact, the appropriate amount."

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